A Dope Perspective

This next entry is from my bro Ant's Blog, "Melody in Wordz" its entitled "the awful truth" it was soo deep so I had to share it with yall... He basically took the words outta my motuth on some shit ive always wanted to say... hes Breaking down Relationship failures and how we react to them... Well, thats enought of me.. check it out...


In love relationships We as human beings have a compelling need for what we feel as control. Being placed in vulnerable positions or feeling vulnerable leaves us uncomfortable, so we do whatever it takes to have as much control over our circumstances as possible, especially when it comes to love relationships.

Once we do allow our control to be compromised for the sake of creating chances to grow with another person, we hold on to those attachments and gain a certain familiarity and most of the time we call this love.

If or when these "loves" fail one of two things occur; our pride frees us of all fault and we blame the other person for the failure of the relationship and we move on to another person (different person same characteristics w/ minor differences). The other is we suffer from post traumatic love disorder (PTLD) which causes us to use the "never again" method where trusting another is nearly impossible, the chances of allowing one to get you to that place of vulnerability is virtually non existent, all of this to protect ourselves from a hurt we wish to never experience again.

In men, I believe these kinds of experiences are not typical due to the way we are socialized to behave in relationships. We are too Often raised to believe that manhood is established through sexual conquest, the more women you have sex with the more manly you are perceived to be. Not typically taught how to initiate a relationship and actively perform the roles of a man in a relationship. If a relationship does fail for a man, the "bitches ain't shit" rule probably goes into affect as a method of control and protection. The next relationship a man goes into will probably be out of comfort and opportunity.

In women experiences like these are more common as a result of mans socialization. Women are often socialized to be ready for a mans absence and to be prepared for a mans inadequacy to perform the necessary roles of a man.
If a relationship goes south for a female she will most move on but have underlying symptoms of ptld that she won't even be conscious of. This will in turn cause her to inadvertently project her past hurts onto her next mate who will share the same characteristics as her past mate (different person same characteristics w/minor differences), which in turn could result in interpersonal insanity (repetitively pursuing the same type of mate, searching for new results).

I believe that relationships fail because we initiate them with only assumptions of what the rules of engagement will be and we lack expectations. We love for recompense and we bail at the first sign of stormy weather. Both males and females definitions of love & relationships should be synonymous before taking any steps toward either of the two.

Please feel free to give feedback, let me know if you agree or disagree. Thanks for reading.

you can check out more of Ants interesting insight at www.TheMelodyinWords.Blogspot.com

shout out to ANT.

-Skipper

Ventilation...

Ya know, I had previous inhibitions about getting too personal on my blog, because first of all, I didn't want everybody all in my business, secondly, because I don't want anybody having pity on me or seeing me as a weak person because I'm far from that... But recently, I've been battling myself back and forth about putting my true feelings down here...

I've come to the conclusion that ima just go for it... Cuz a lot has happened to me recently emotionally and I feel it would help a lot for me to sort of vent and get it all off my chest. I'm not gonna name drop in order to not offend the parties involved. But besides that I'm not goin to hold any discression...

Welp, here goes...

I just got out of a courting situation where I was trying to start a relationship with a beautiful young lady who I held very high in regard as far as everything.... I really felt like we were connected on many levels... We never had sex, and I was even fine with that because I was more interested in getting to know as much as I could about her and spending time with her.

Truthfully, I hadn't felt the way I did about a female in quite a long time, so it was kind of spooky, and also my past relationships hadn't ended exactly on good terms so I was trying my hardest to build a successful relationship with this young lady. I even wrote a couple of previous blog entries about her explaining how I felt the best way I could without sounding too mushy.

Soon after, me being the analytical person that I am, I started to notice little things starting to happen... Like we would talk almost everyday whether it was actually on the phone or thru text. Then it slowly became less and less often which wasn't too big of a deal to me because we are both busy ppl but I did noticed it; besides on the couple times that we took the time to hang out with each other, all that other shit didn't matter to me... I felt legitimately happy. I never really knew if the feeling was reciprocated but it seemed like it was... Anyway, Soon after that it kinda went downhill. My bro gave me some info basically telling me how she didn't really like me all how I thawt she did. And how she downplayed the whole situation of us and that in actuality she had eyes for my other bro... This of course immediately stung. I didn't know how to feel! I felt hurt, and like I've been played.

In my angry stage I decided not to speak to her until I saw her cuz if I called and confronted her it probably wouldn't have ended pretty. So we finally spoke on the situation and got it all figured out. Then I thought to myself that it was the time to see where she stood as far as "us" so I wrote up everything I wanted to say to her and posted it up here for her to see... Then gave her some time to think and asked her to be with me...

Unfortunately she declined, and gave me sort of a general response as to why but at the end of the day it was still a no... Basically she apologized for leading me on and wanted to but me in the "friend zone" and everyone knows how much I despise the friend zone. Ugh no good.


Fast forward to present day, I guess we've had a falling out of sorts cuz I haven't really spoke to her since that day... Way back in september... Except for the occasional tweet. But the last time she kinda gave me a subliminal "good riddance" tweet telling me to "get over it" which was kinda left field for me, but hey I guess people show their true colors once its all said and done...

I'm not mad about it, or even hurt anymore. I really dnt know if we'll ever speak again actually cuz it seems as if she's moved on and has no interest in conversing which is fine with me... I tried to reach out to no success so I've pretty much given up on that. Oh well...

At the end of the day, I see this all as a learning experience and ill always remember to read the signs from the jump... Hopefully I won't have to experience anything like this again.

-Skipper

Nicki Minaj for Complex Mag

This is just one one the reasons I love miss Nicki Minaj. I been been fuckin wit her since 07 when I heard her on the Can't Stop, Won't Stop Freestyle with Lil Wayne on the Drought 3 Mixtape since before I knew what she looked like and I thawt she was dope. then seen her, and Fell in love LOL but yeah enjoy just a lil snippet of my future Ex-Girlfriend Onika Miraj aka Nicki Minaj....

What do You want the Most?

You have control over your life. Your success or failure is completely up to you. You control how lucky or unlucky you are. You create your wealth or destitute with your efforts.

The doubts you’ll experience along the way to success are part of life. Make a plan for your success and stick to it. Your life is a marathon, not a 100 yard dash.

Never base your actions on if “I can or I can’t”, but rather on if “I will or “I won’t”.

And most importantly, accept total responsibility for your actions. By doing so, you are more likey to created the change that’s necessary to obtain what you seek.

-The Think Movement